i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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