I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
