i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
