The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
