College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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