Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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