a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize