Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
