I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
