remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We are two peas in an std pod
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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