i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
