your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's not a walk of shame if you run
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
