Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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