It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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