Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
