you guys were way drunker than both of me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
