I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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