if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
