Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize