how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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