I didn't shave. On purpose
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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