there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
