dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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