Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize