I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
