I wannas sexs uuuuu
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
