i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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