kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
no more duck duck goose at the bar
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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