Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
