I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
