And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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