He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
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