Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
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