whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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