I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
