I puked a lego.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
