i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
