Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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