What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
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