508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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