the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
