And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
