And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
