I just saw a hot homeless man
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
