Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
