I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
