I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
