Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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