I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
