The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Someone shattered a urinal.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
