I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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