i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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