walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
