I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
