Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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