Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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