Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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