we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
