he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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