we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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