Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize
