the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
