can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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