Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize