the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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