I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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