I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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