I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
