So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
