you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
she looked like the before picture.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
