Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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