Im at strip club and am horny
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
