Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
