Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
