If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
