I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
