Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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