Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
