Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
