He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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