whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
