it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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