the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
